I might be drunk’t

(The following is a transcription of the introduction to Transmetropolitan Volume 5. The text is written by Patrick Stewart, and I suppose all rights belong to him and Warren Ellis (as well as Vertigo) )

“Warren Ellis asked me to write this and I am O.K. with that up to a point. My unease is that the point is unnervingly sharp and very likely to turn in my direction. Here is the problem. Warren knows that I am a TRANSMETROPOLITAN fan, but how can he expect me to write about that? Does he think I just came down the Clyde on a tea biscuit? No sirree, this is not my first barbecue. If I write that Spider Jerusalem is my hero, does he think Spider will let me get away with that? I would be lucky to to only suffer a blast from bowel disruoter and it is much more likely me eyeballs will be popped as easily as squeezing a pustule and fed to the cat. If I write that TRANSMET is a beacon of brilliant irony and sardonic satire, could I survive the torrent of salive-drenched invective and scorn S.J. would heap on me? If I wrote that TRANSMET made laugh like a drain, are there enough lavatory bowls to contain Jerusalem’s vomit?

If I confessed that I lusted after the filthy assistants, what foul perversions would I be accused of? If I praised the artwork as the wittiest, most disturbing since George Grosz, I would soon find myself depicted as a fucked-up, mechanics-addicted, feces-smeared back-ground character. If I hailed this vision of the future as persuasive and properly terrifying, I might never live to see it. You get my problem?

I think, however, that I can safely say this: I know this City. I have read The Word, I have listened to these politicans, I have smelt the stink of greed, I have thrown stuff at the TV. I have wondered what future there is for Truth and Beauty. I have wanted to go and live on the top of a Yorkshire moor.

Warren, tell Spider to stay healthy and keep writing the column.

- Patrick Stewart”
(any typos are on my head, and I apologise for them)